-- to witness my first breakdown [RYKER]

[Jasper Zachary Sterling]

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[atrb=background, i1060.photobucket.com/albums/t456/Awengera/JasMid_zps8b66dd7f.png] After the adequate hours of curling up with a book, trying not to cry under the pressure of the nerves, Jasper had finally calmed down enough to get ready. He had a nice apartment, which he kept fairly clean, so he didn’t have to clean up. However, he’d invited Ryker over. It had been wonderful to discover that Ryker was gay, and while he didn’t exactly ask him on a date, Jas couldn’t help himself. He’d put a table cloth and nice silverware and plates on the small table, as well as a candle in the center, and had been cooking for the past hour. The cooking was no problem for him, seeing as he was employed as a chef at one of the town’s fanciest restaurants. Today had held its share of near panic attacks. How could he possibly do that? Invite the adorable boy he’d met twice over? He’d phrased it as a simple chance for Ryker to taste his food, but he now looked over what he’d done. Okay, so it was certainly a romantic atmosphere. He’d kind of used the idea of a date that he’d wanted when he was dating Kyle in high school. Kyle had not been much of a romantic though. Jasper read enough books to have a mind full of ideas for dates. It still ran through his head that Ryker was going to hate him. This was so out of line of him. They were friends, if that. Surely, this would disturb Ryker? It was far too much of a romantic, movie-style scene for it to be normal. This wasn’t even meant to be a date, anyways. It wasn’t like they were together. That was certainly what Jasper wanted, though. He looked at the clock, trembling slightly. He had guessed that Ryker might be a vegetarian. He could be wrong, but he was a rather perceptive person and had noticed the boy dodge all meat dishes at the party. To play it safe, he made vegetarian Japanese fried rice – one of the first dishes he’d learned to make alone when he was ten. It was a safe bet: vegetarian, he knew he could make it and it constantly got compliments when he’d make it for others. Now, he just hoped Ryker would like it. He came close to deciding to just take it all down and turn on the television and just pretend that he’d had some leftovers and that he just felt like making friends with Ryker. Changing this all into something platonic though. It was too late though, and if Ryker was going to show up – still the chance that he skipped out, that frightened Jas – he’d be showing up any moment. Jas breathed deeply, trying to slow his gasping for breaths, and fighting the urge to curl up on the couch and block out the world. He’d been battling that all day. No, he refused to have a panic attack right now. That was the last thing he wanted Ryker to see, to show up and: Oh, look, surprise, this dumbass tried to be sweet for a boy who probably doesn’t like him but sorry, come back at a later time, he’s currently crying on the floor and choking on nothing in particular. Jas spun around on his toes around the somewhat spacious living room that opened up into the kitchen/dining rooms, spinning out his nerves. Anyways, it was likely that Ryker would stand him up. Five minutes until he was technically supposed to be here. Jas knew he had the address and all. His muscles all felt weak and spaghetti like, the thought that Ry might not come. No, no, no, no, no. Calm down. Calm the hell down. You can do this. He thought, and then repeated aloud to himself, looking back over the setup that he had. He lit the candle. Too late to turn back anyways. He’d put the rice back in the warming pot after he’d fried it with all the ingredients, and his eyes traveled to the plates on the table, each place setting on either side of the candle. This was so corny. It was pathetic. He backed himself up against the wall, humming to fight off the tears that wanted to come. Ryker would be here soon, if he was coming, it was about time Jas pulled himself together. Why did he do all this? Ryker’s adorable face and personality and heartwarming voice came to mind. Of course, why should a boy that has all that running for him go for Jasper. He wandered towards the bathroom in the hall, looking in the mirror. He felt like crying, damn his insecurities. He wore the closest thing he had to nice clothes – black jeans, a crisp white shirt, and a black vest. It didn’t look very formal at all. Especially with his hair, expertly tousled, he never looked particularly well pulled together, he liked having that slightly disheveled look. Well, he liked it until he really looked at himself. No, they’re flaws, all of them. Ryker wouldn’t want him. He bit his tongue, trying to block himself off from his mind’s bullying comments. He forced a smile as he turned away from the mirror. He was going to survive this with his mind mostly in one piece. Probably, well, he hoped. ©credits : table by ironman(awengera) lyrics : somewhere in neverland – all time low

[Ryker Zane Vincent]

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Ryker had only met the boy twice and yet he felt his heart aching for more, aching to see that cute face again, aching to be with him, it falling once again at even the thought of the other boy. Ryke staggered around his house throwing random clothes all over the floor. Normally Ry was a very neat being, but at this moment he was freaking out, worried about what Jasper might thing. Sure he was only going over there as a friend but Ryker felt the need to look extra nice.

He had settled on some black skinny jeans and a dark purple v-neck. He didn't really have any nice clothes to speak of, but this was the nicest thing he thought of. He stumbled around his room knocking various things off his shelves and bed side table searching for anything else to put on but soon gave up. He shoved his face into his hand trying not to cry. Why was he so damned worried about what Jasper would think? They were just friends anyways. Even if Ry saw himself spending the rest of his life with the boy, a bit over dramatic yes, but also very true.

Ryker ran into his bathroom and fixed his hair, it was inevitable for his hair to not look messy, but Ryker found it to his liking. He took a deep breath figuring he looked as good as he was going to get. He sprayed some cologne on and headed to his front door. He reached for the knob but stopped right before grabbing it. He turned around and paced his front entry hallway a few paces before quickly turning and walking out the door.

He hopped into his little car and began to drive. He turned on Pierce the Veil and felt himself relaxing a bit, as PTV always seemed to do. Something about the singer voice calmed his nerves. Such a pure and calming voice. He looked at the text he had that gave him the address, and sure enough Ryker stopped in front of the house he figured to be Jaspers. It was sure a nice house. Ry got out and took a deep breath before walking up to the door and stopping inches from the door. He lifted his hand and knocked lightly. He shoved his hands in his pockets as he looked down at the ground waiting for the door to open. Random thoughts flying through his head. What if Jasper took one look at him and told him to leave.

Ryker bit his lip making sure he didnt turn around and just leave. He was so dang nervous, no boy had ever made him this nervous before. He took another deep breath before telling himself everything will be fine. He nodded to himself but kept his eyes locked on the floor.

Words: 472
Tags: Jasper
Notes:

Ryker Vincent

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[Jasper Zachary Sterling]

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[atrb=background, i1060.photobucket.com/albums/t456/Awengera/JasMid_zps8b66dd7f.png] He found himself staring back in the mirror, desperately clinging to his composure. Suddenly, he found himself nearly hoping Ryker did stand him up. He didn’t want Ryker to see him have a panic attack, which he worried he might if he actually had to think of what to say to explain why the setting was so romantic. Of course, at that split second he heard a knock at the door, and froze entirely, his heart racing. Ryker came. For a second, his mind went entirely blank. It occurred to him that the boy who had completely invaded his mind over the past few days was standing at his door. He was right outside. Perhaps he should answer the door. It took him a moment to remember how to actually walk and breathe and stuff. The last time he’d been this nervous was when he came out to his parents by bringing Kyle home, although by that point the entire school had known, and his parents had suspected. He was constantly worried, but not like this. As he walked through the living room, he kicked himself on the inside. Pathetic. All of it. You. He thought, eyes landing on the table before forcing his arm up to the door knob and opening it, finding himself face to face with Ryker. Gosh, he was so cute. It made Jasper’s mind go crazy. Ryker was looking down, biting his lip. It took all of his self-control not to just kiss him. He struggled to actually think of something to say, so just stepped aside from the door and made an awkward hand motion, welcoming him in. ”Oh-Uh” He slowed his breathing, feeling the pounding of his heart throughout his entire body. He wasn’t going to let himself cry, like he did when he panicked. He thought of at least 89% of the books he’d read, in which boy-meets-girl, boy is actually able to be smooth. He began trying to think of this situation from an author’s point of view, turning around and flashing a smile, pretending to be a hell of a lot calmer than he actually was. ”Come in!” He said, finally realizing that he was really excited about this. Of course, his ability to speak completely dissolved when Ryker walked in and Jas realized he could probably see the table that looked like it came off the set of a romance movie. This was a horrid idea. He bit his tongue and winced as he realized he really didn’t have an explanation. ”I, well, I” Oh, good job, Jas, you managed to think of two words out of your entire vocabulary. Good going. He looked at the pot of fried rice that was warming and then realized that he was always pretty calm explaining dishes. ”Oh! Okay, well, I made Japanese fried rice, with mixed vegetables in it, no chicken or beef or anything because I thought you might be a vegetarian… Are you?” He asked, tensing up as he looked to Ryker, rubbing the back of his neck in nervous habit. ”Are you hungry?” He asked, walking towards the kitchen. ©credits : table by ironman(awengera) lyrics : somewhere in neverland – all time low