hiding under your porch because i love you[ARCHER]

[andrew michael hayes]

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[atrb=background,http://i1060.photobucket.com/albums/t456/Awengera/AndyNewTableMid_zps1054dbc7.png] His car was in need of repair for a while now, but nothing specifically bad. He’d been meaning to bring it in, so that it doesn’t get bad to the point where he’d need any far too expensive repairs, however he could have put it off a while longer. The car wasn’t exactly the prior motive here, though. Jet eagerly had his head out the window, which was cranked open enough so that only the Golden Retriever’s head would fit out, not his body, in case something were to alert the dog that there and now was the time to attempt a tuck and roll in the middle of a busy road going fifty miles per hour. That was about exactly the thing Jet might do. He was kind of just a melodramatic teenager grown into his twenties, when it came to boys. He’d always been like a love-struck seventh grader whenever a boy caught his eye. He used to talk to his childhood best friend, Alicia, all about guys, who was the hottest, who he liked. She was the only one he’d ever let look at his drawings and stories in his original journals, before that homophobic son of a whore that was his father burned them. Having found himself rather infatuated with a man he’d come to know as a friend, Gus, it was becoming painfully obvious that Gus was as straight as they come. Of course, unable to help himself, as soon as he’d finally managed to clear his head of Gus, another face popped up. And indeed, it was of another man who was straight, as far as he knew. Did Archer even know Andy was gay? Almost everyone just kind of assumed it, and Archer had extra reason to – he was fairly sure that the man had clued in to Andy’s little crush on Gus. Knowing that Archer was at the mechanics all hours of the day usually, he brought his car in. To his disappointment though, he was greeted by a blonde girl, quite obviously a tomboy, who introduced herself as ‘Aspen.’ He offered a small smile. ”Er. Is Archer here?” He asked. Aspen thought for a second, and then nodded, pointing at a door and telling Andy that she’d get going on his car, after giving him a few papers to fill out, which he grabbed and thanked her for. Walking according to the directions down this hall that Aspen had given, he neared Archer’s office. At that moment, he halted, turning around on his heel and walking away. Then spinning back, he ended up pacing back and forth, scolding himself mentally. Oops. Oh damn. It wasn’t like he hadn’t had conversations with Archer before. His own interest always made things so awkward for himself. I had to, with the title. Couldn't help myself. It was too long the correct way though. ©credits : table by ironman(awengera) lyrics : it's time – imagine dragons

[Archer Landon Kolt]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: f9f9f9; border: #a34f4d solid 10px; width: 450px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] Can't be love I'm not feeling tagged Andrew/Iron notes Poor awkward boys <3 credits template by irish! Archer had been living in confusion for the past several months. Normally he just lived worry free and. His life had always seemed straightforward and like everything was just cut and dry. He figured he was just destined to live a perfectly "normal" life. That was, until he met Andy. All of his life he had just never even taken into consideration that he could be anything but heterosexual. He found women attractive, and he'd done his fair share of sleeping around during his college years... but if he really thought about it, he'd really just done it because that was what guys did in college, that was what was expected. He had been raised in a community that was not very open to homosexuals, and his parents had raised him to believe that it was wrong. As he got older he made up his own mind that people could love whoever they wanted, but he'd never really thought about it in regards to himself. After meeting Andy, all of that changed. He knew that Andy was infatuated with Gustavo, and it wasn't difficult to tell that Gus was only using Andy to meet women, and while normally he wouldn't butt into people's affairs, he found himself feeling defensive of Andy and a bit bitter towards Gustavo. He told Andy regularly that he didn't think that Gus was someone he should hang out with and that he was just going to find himself with a whole lot of nothing from Gus. The Brazilian was very obviously only interested in women and the longer Andy pursued him the more likely Andy was to just get himself hurt. Archer couldn't explain why he was so defensive of Andy or why he found himself caring so much. He wasn't supposed to feel that way towards another male... he didn't even know him that well. They were friends, yes, but he hadn't really known him for very long, and generally guys didn't feel that way towards their male friends unless they'd known them for a long time. So lately he had been trying to occupy his mind with anything other than Andy, but it seemed like the harder he tried to not think about him, the more he did, and he was starting to get to the point where he was getting frustrated. He didn't normally get frustrated, but when he did, he became especially irritable. Yesterday he'd grown tired of seeing Inez moping around all the time and told her that she needed to stop sulking around the shop, go find a guy, and get laid. Afterwards he'd realized he never would have said it if he wasn't just so frustrated all the time. So today he'd decided to leave the actual mechanic work to his employees and do his office type work so that he wouldn't say anything else he might regret... especially with Inez being in such a mood if he said anything else she might kill him. He had managed to bury himself in the stacks of paperwork he had to do, but was making very little leeway in it when he realized that he was getting himself more frustrated doing this than he would be working, so he got up from his desk and headed out. Just as he walked out the door, he nearly walked into someone. "Sorry," He said taking a step back, suddenly realizing who it was. "Andy?" he said with uncertainty, "What are you doing here?" Not that he didn't want him there he just hadn't expected to see him in the hallway leading to his office... right now.

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[andrew michael hayes]

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[atrb=background,http://i1060.photobucket.com/albums/t456/Awengera/AndyNewTableMid_zps1054dbc7.png] Andy turned back around, still pacing, but as he did he rammed right into someone. ”I’m so-“ He broke off as he glanced up, craning his head, being shorter. Archer. His throat caught and he found himself unable to speak. After a moment’s confusion, he quickly stepped back. What was he doing here? What was he doing here? He racked his brain, trying to remember, chewing on his lip nervously, without even realizing it. ”Oh, um – I was – Well.” he stammered, lowering his eyes, embarrassed. ”I was. Er. The girl is working on my car.” He finally managed, knowing how idiotic he looked and sounded. It occurred to him that he’d come here with the intentions of saying something. What was he going to say? It wasn’t even sort of coming to him. He’d planned to say something but, nope, the thoughts of it were completely gone. ”Uhm, Archer. Are you…” He tried to speak, deciding to just go for it. ”Well, I mean, do you…” He continued to choke on his words, before face palming and turning around, unable to figure out his own words. They were words. Why are they so hard to say. After another failed attempt to speak, he looked hopelessly at Archer, and then covered his face with his hand again. ”I used to think I knew how to speak English.” Oh, look, a full sentence! Well that’s a start. He tapped his foot nervously. ”Okay. I’m trying to ask…” Nope. Try again. He forced himself. Now he decided to take a different approach. ”Are you straight?” The words came out really quickly and almost blurred together, and he quickly raised both hands to his face and covered his eyes like a child, tensing up and awaiting the reply like it was going to hurt physically. ©credits : table by ironman(awengera) lyrics : it's time – imagine dragons

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[Archer Landon Kolt]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: f9f9f9; border: #a34f4d solid 10px; width: 450px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] Can't be love I'm not feeling tagged Andrew/Iron notes Poor awkward boys <3 credits template by irish! Archer was really trying quite hard to understand what Andy was trying to say, but it was difficult. It seemed like every time the younger male got halfway through a sentence he changed his mind and tried to say something else. When he said that "the girl" was working on his car, that made much more sense. They were friends so he supposed that perhaps Andy had just wanted to stop by to say hello while he was there, but just the way Andy kept sputtering on, seeming to want to ask a question but unable to get the words out, Archer had a feeling that there was more to it than just that. Granted, Andy had never struck him as being the most confident guy in the entire world, but this was a little more uncertainty than Archer was used to from Andy. He was about to ask Andy if he was alright when he finally blurted out what it was that he was trying to say. Archer was a little bit shocked by the question to be entirely honest... but it certainly made sense as to why Andy had struggled for so long on how to say it. Archer's immediate reaction to the question was to glance up over Andy's shoulder down the hall to see if anyone was there and might have heard, and was quite relieved to see that there was no one, especially Inez, nearby. The relief didn't last long, though, because he then realized that he actually had to answer that question and he wasn't entirely sure that he even knew what the answer was for that matter. He'd been incredibly preoccupied with the answer to that question for days now and he still hadn't come to a conclusion. Everything he thought he knew about himself was coming into question now. How could someone who had lived under the presumption that he was heterosexual for 26 years just now be discovering that he was homosexual? Was that even possible? Seeing the way Andy was reacting already, he immediately felt guilty, and he wasn't even sure why. He hadn't even answered the question yet, but he already felt like he'd done something wrong. The awkward silence drew out for a bit before he finally decided he had to say something. "I'm not entirely sure I know the answer to that question, Andy." He said with a sigh. He knew that Andy had not come all this way and struggled through asking that question just to get an "I don't know" in response, but right now Archer was trying to figure that out himself and it wasn't exactly an easy question to come to a conclusion on. The way he felt about Andy was unnatural to him. In all of his "relations" with women he'd never felt so protective, or even attached... but now here he was with all of those feelings he was "supposed" to have for women, but instead for Andy. To some people that might seem like pretty solid evidence that he was in fact gay, but for Archer it was just more confusion. How could he live for 26 years and not have figured that out already?

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[andrew michael hayes]

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[atrb=background,http://i1060.photobucket.com/albums/t456/Awengera/AndyNewTableMid_zps1054dbc7.png] Andy parted his fingers slightly, though still kept his hands over his face before Archer spoke, seemingly searching for words. It was a mistake. It was all a mistake. Why would you ask that? Of course he’s straight! He scolded himself over and over, mentally. The answer was either a lot better or a lot worse than he expected. He couldn’t decide on that. Not being sure whether you’re gay or straight was never a problem to Andy. He was pretty sure on his sexuality since fifth or sixth grade. He’d never been able to find himself attracted to girls the way he was to guys, and as far as he was concerned, that was the final answer on his sexuality. Then again, it sort of did make sense. Even Andy questioned himself sometimes. Yes, he was sure he was gay, but was he meant to have a relationship at all? While not a religious person, he wasn’t exactly an atheist either. Sometimes he believed things happen for a reason. He’d never had a solid relationship with a man or a woman in his life. Perhaps he came off as too needy. Too effeminate? Too high maintenance? He settled on that. No guy wanted him; he was far too high maintenance. That’s why Archer doesn’t want him. Well, if Archer is gay. He can only hope. His mouth tried to form words but failed miserably. How does one reply to somebody still being so unsure as to their sexuality? ”Oh.” Was his feeble attempt at a response. Pathetic. You’re pathetic. His brain screamed at him. Bravery was never really a trait to describe Andy. He was shy and quiet to acquaintances, social and gentle to his friends, but brave was among no words in Andrew Michael Hayes’ description. Yet, a wave of it washed over him. Sure, he wasn’t thinking straight, but he was too far to turn back, anyways. Archer clearly already knows. With a swift motion, he stepped forward and raised to his toes, still barely being enough, Archer being 6’2, at his own 5’9. His own lips met Archer’s, and he put his hands on Archer’s shoulders – partially to steady himself. He wasn’t exactly tall enough for this. After a quick, gentle kiss, Andy pulled back and lowered back onto his heels, staring at the floor. ”So, uhm, Archer, are you gay?” He repeats, timidly. ooc: reply fast, now i'm desperate to continue this!

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[/color][/size]©credits : table by ironman(awengera) lyrics : it's time – imagine dragons
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[Archer Landon Kolt]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: f9f9f9; border: #a34f4d solid 10px; width: 450px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] Can't be love I'm not feeling tagged Andrew/Iron notes Poor awkward boys <3 credits template by irish! When Andy responded to Archer's uncertainty when it came to answering the question, Archer couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. He knew it really couldn't be considered his fault that he was so unsure. He'd grown up in a live that prohibited homosexuality, so naturally he had been raised to believe firmly that he could not be anything but heterosexuality. He knew it wasn't his fault... but that didn't stop him from feeling like he needed to do something to fix it. He felt like he should have known, like if he had been able to just give a straight answer one way or another it would have been better. But he couldn't. He didn't know the answer. He was stuck here in this confusion, between what he thought he knew and what seemed to be coming true. He was about to apologize to Andy for not knowing, but just as he went to speak, Andy suddenly closed the gap between them, and before Archer even realized what was going on, Andy had raised himself up on his toes as close to the same level as Archer as he could, and closed the space between them completely with his lips meeting Archer's. In that brief moment, Archer's body froze, his brain froze, everything just froze. Everything except for his heart, that is, which suddenly started racing. That was not a feeling he'd experienced before, and he hardly knew to recognize it at first. Then it hit him. That was what he was supposed to have felt in all of those numerous relationships with women that he'd had over the years. That was what had been missing. When Andy finally pulled away from that brief moment which felt like eternity, Archer felt a little breathless, and a little bit like he was in shock. His heart was still racing like he'd just run a marathon, and if he didn't know any better he might have been concerned that he was about to have a heart attack. When he finally regained his wits about him again, at least enough to think clearly, he again hastily cast a glance down the hallway to see if anyone was there... no one was. Then Andy was speaking again, asking him the same question, only this time instead of "straight" he asked him if he was gay. Again, the words that Archer wanted to say seemed trapped somewhere between his brain and his mouth. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do. How was he meant to react to this. "Andy..." he finally managed to say, but before continuing, he grasped the younger man's arm firmly, but not aggressively, and pulled him into his office, fearing that someone could come around that corner at any second, and right now this conversation wasn't one that he was comfortable with happening in public. "I don't know what to tell you Andy." he said once they were in his office and the door closed behind them. "I really... I just..." It seemed that Andy's inability to speak was contagious, but he forced himself to push past this, "I think that I could be but I just... I want to say yes, but right now I just can't say for sure." He finally got out. He hoped that what he said even made sense because now that he thought about it, he wasn't really even sure what he'd just said. Somehow, though, Andy had to understand... he just had to, because Archer wasn't sure how else to say it.

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[andrew michael hayes]

[/color][/size]©credits : table by ironman(awengera) lyrics : it's time – imagine dragons
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[atrb=background,http://i1060.photobucket.com/albums/t456/Awengera/AndyNewTableMid_zps1054dbc7.png] Andy yelped slightly in surprise as Archer dragged him into his office. He was kicking himself on the inside. This was all a terrible idea. He never should’ve said anything nor done anything. He lived his entire life observing his interests from a distance. It wasn’t ideal but he officially decided it was what he’d stick to. ”Archer, I’m so sorry I-“ He paused when Archer spoke. He clenched his jaw, trying to keep himself from crying. Yet another bad trait of his. He was a crier. He wasn’t going to let himself cry right now. Well, he was going to try not to cry. He nodded, pretending to understand as Archer spoke. He ran a nervous, trembling hand through his hair, trying to calm himself, regretting every moment of the past five minutes. ”This was all just idiotic.” He said in a trembling tone, half to himself and half to Archer. He tapped his toe, and then turned towards the door. Why should he stay? This was just miserable for the both of them, and it was all his fault. ”I’ll go now. I just… I’m so sorry.” he repeated, at a loss for words. He turned towards the door, trying to remember how to move. His brain was a scramble right now, trying to comprehend the whole situation. Why the hell had he done that?! Stupid stupid stupid. was all he could think, and he shoved his fidgety hands in his pocket, only realizing that he needed one to open the door. His limbs felt like jello and he felt as though he may faint any second. ”Uh, bye.” How the hell was he supposed to fix this, now? He reached for the door handle, and now that his face was turned away from Archer, a couple of those damned tears that had welled up in his throat broke free, racing down his cheeks. He fumbled with the handle on the door, trying to open it and get the hell out of there. ©credits : table by ironman(awengera) lyrics : it's time – imagine dragons

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[Archer Landon Kolt]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: f9f9f9; border: #a34f4d solid 10px; width: 450px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] Can't be love I'm not feeling tagged Andrew/Iron notes Poor awkward boys <3 credits template by irish! Andy's response to Archer's attempt at an explanation was even worse than before. He looked like a puppy that had just been kicked, and Archer felt like the one who had done the kicking. Andy obviously felt strongly about him, or he wouldn't have gone out on such a limb like that. Granted, he'd been in pursuit of Gus for quite some time, but Archer was fairly certain that he hadn't just... up and kissed him like that, which just made him feel worse. Archer naturally wanted to always fix everything and right now he seemed to be making things worse every time he tried to fix them. It was becoming clearer and clearer that the only way he could fix this, was if he was gay. Now, Archer would change a lot of things about himself if it would benefit someone else, but he was fairly sure that changing his sexual orientation wasn't possible. That meant that only way he could fix this right now was if he came to a definite conclusion right now. He had to consider everything, he'd never felt attached to any of the women he'd met, but he felt attached and defensive of Andy who he'd not known for all that long. He had never gotten himself worked up and frustrated over his feelings for a women, but he had been in such a bad mood the past several weeks because he was confused by his feelings for Andy. Most of all, he'd never felt whatever the hell that was when he'd kissed, or slept with for that matter, a woman, but he'd definitely felt something when Andy had kissed him just now. He wasn't sure if it could be more obvious than that. It was like the answer was staring him in the face but he was almost afraid to admit that that answer was the answer. It was like knowing there was a cliff in one direction and a safe hill in the other, being blind folded, and spun around, and then having to walk in whatever direction you land on, and hope that it's not the wrong one. For the briefest moment, he thought back to his parents and what they would say if they knew he was even having this conflict. They would be abhorred. That was when he realized that he had been living most of his life acting contrary to the way his parents wanted him to a very good reason, but he had never questioned the sexuality they had pounded into his head. If he questioned everything else, why not this? Why couldn't he be gay? Why should he let their stereotype define his life? He wasn't going to let them have the satisfaction. He wasn't going to try to deny what he felt just because they expected him to marry a woman and have a bunch of kids and live in a mansion surrounded by high fences to keep everyone out. That wasn't his life. All of this thought had been rushing through his head and he'd hardly even realized that Andy was attempting to leave, until he quite suddenly made up his mind and snapped out of it. "Andy wait." He said stepping over to him and gently putting his hand on Andy's shoulder, "I've never felt any sort of attachment towards any of the women I've had relationships with... and if that..." he paused, hoping Andy knew that he was referring to when Andy had kissed him, "If that is what it's supposed to feel like..." He hesitated again, still uncertain, "If that's what is supposed to happen between two people in a relationship, and I think it is, then yes... I am gay." The words nearly stuck in his throat for a moment. He said it more almost for himself than for Andy. Just saying it was what he needed. Hearing those words from his mouth, that was what finalized it. Once he'd said it, it was suddenly less frightening. What was so wrong about loving a man instead of a woman? Nothing. There was nothing wrong with this. This was fine... this was... this was good.

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[andrew michael hayes]

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[atrb=background,http://i1060.photobucket.com/albums/t456/Awengera/AndyNewTableMid_zps1054dbc7.png] Just open the damned door. He commanded himself, struggling to actually get a good grip on the handle. He was shaking. His vision was considerably blurred by the salty tears that pooled in his eyes, breaking free and racing down his cheeks. Pull yourself together. It's a door, dumbass, now open in. His mind was being particularly abusive towards him right now, as it reminded him how stupid this all was; how stupid he was. At first, Andrew thought he was imagining it, when he felt Archer's hand on his shoulder, and heard his name, he was being told to wait. He turned around, and it was all, in fact, real. He wiped at his eyes with the back of his sleeve, looking up at Archer. He looked like crap right now, but whatever, not like he hadn't already made his impression for the day upon Archer. It took a moment for Andy to place where Archer was going with this, though once it dawned on him, excitement and hope lit a flame, and Archer's words went on forever until they reached the point that he hoped they would come to: Archer was gay. He felt his own heart stop. Typically, Andrew would sit silently in the corner and avoid actually talking to any of the guys he'd ever had interest in. Feelings of joy washed over him, but he found himself at a complete loss for words for about the millionth time in the day, and just stared at Archer for a moment. ”Does this mean...” His sentence trailed off, and it occurred to him that he probably looking like a second grader finding out his crush liked him back. Actually, that's almost exactly what he was, minus the second grader part. A smile gradually replaced the confusion on his face. ©credits : table by ironman(awengera) lyrics : it's time – imagine dragons

[Archer Landon Kolt]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: f9f9f9; border: #a34f4d solid 10px; width: 450px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] Can't be love I'm not feeling tagged Andrew/Iron notes Poor awkward boys <3 credits template by irish! This whole concept was still so new to Archer that it was making him rather anxious. He couldn't really explain why, but just that it made so much of his life completely different. What would it be like to run into a past fling when he was out with another male? How would she react to something like that? How was his staff even going to react to that? Admitting to himself that he had feelings for another male was a huge step for Archer, admitting to Andy that he was gay was like jumping off a cliff. This going public felt like leaping off of the space station, and he wasn't so sure that he was ready for that just yet. He didn't really want to tell Andy that he didn't want other people to know at this point because he didn't want Andy to feel like Archer was ashamed of being gay. He wasn't, there was nothing wrong with it, he just wasn't sure he was quite ready to take it that far yet. "Yes it does." He said inhaling deeply in an attempt to settle his still racing heart. It felt like there was a massive amount of adrenaline coursing through his body right now, as if he really had just jumped over a cliff, and he wasn't sure what to do with that adrenaline, "Look, Andy this is all just really..." he paused a moment, not really sure what he was going to say "Really new to me and I would rather just keep this between us, for now." It was most likely his altruistic nature that was eating away at him but he felt like that sounded exactly the way he hadn't wanted it to sound. Andy had been in his head for days now and try as he might he'd been unable to get him out, it felt rather relieving to finally just say it out loud that he was in love with a man and for nothing horrible to happen because of it. "Not that I don't want people to know I'm with you." he added a little too hastily, "I'm just trying to get used to this and I think..." he stopped again, knowing that trying to explain it away was not going to be very effective in his current state of mind. He was probably just making it worse, really, "Hell I don't even know what I'm trying to say right now so I'm just going to stop." Archer had really never felt this way around anyone before so it was a very strange feeling to him. It was ehilitaring and confusing at the same time. It made perfect sense, but left him questioning how he couldn't have figured this out a long time ago. He was nearly 30 years old now, and he'd never come to this conclusion before now. But like they say, better late than never, right?

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