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Post by James Michael Colburn on Feb 28, 2011 12:08:19 GMT -8
Belief in the bright side was a petty thing. Getting your hopes up that everything would be perfect was foolish and misguided. Thinking that happiness came in the form of love was idiocy. Daring to think that there was something more out there for you was ridiculous and ungrounded. Jamie Colburn had known all these things, but when he met that girl, he had decided to go against his better judgement and ignore it all. He had loved her... really and truly. Sure he had still acted like a jackass and all, but it was different with her. He had let his guard down, let her in, and now he was paying for it dearly. He would give anything to have her back, and knowing he never could just killed him. He felt much the same way now as he had 17 years ago when his mom died; helpless.
He tried to go back to the way he was before he met her... but it was to no avail. No matter how many women he had sex with the feeling just wouldn't go away. All he wanted was to block out the emotion and never feel again, but every night that he spent with another woman, he just felt worse than he had before. He was very slowly beginning to hate this life that he was living, and that was never a good sign with a guy like Jamie. Some would say he had no right to complain because he had just about everything he could ever want. Tons of money, fancy cars, women practically hanging off of him, a big house... he was living the life. But none of that seemed worth it with her gone now. He had never been good at dealing with loss, and it seemed that still hadn't changed.
Most days he didn't even know why he got up in the morning to face a world that seemed determined only to tear him down no matter how hard he tried to build himself up. He was successful in so many ways, but he was completely miserable. On this particular morning he was in an especially awful mood, and had taken it out on the girl that had spent the night with him when she decided to try to stick around. He made it quite clear to her that she would never mean anything to him and he had absolutely no intention of ever seeing her again. She'd left in a huff, leaving Jamie to sulk on his own. He'd stayed home for a while before wandering out with no real destination in mind. It was about mid day and it was hot as all get out, but he hardly seemed to notice.
He hardly realized where he was when he finally stopped his aimless wandering until he saw the grazing horses in front of him. He couldn't remember how many times he had come out here with Morgan since meeting her... perhaps it was a force of habit to come this way. He stood there solemnly just watching the horses as he leaned on the fence in silence. Jamie had never understood why Morgan loved the animals so much, but he never objected to it. One would think that they would become a sweet memory of her to him, but instead they had become a haunting and bitter reminder of what he had lost. The world was a cruel and oppressive place, and right now, Jamie was quite certain it was determined to destroy him. With this most recent series of events, it may have just succeeded.
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Post by cadenceshenk on Mar 2, 2011 20:30:53 GMT -8
OUTFIT YO!
Envy snorted and danced as the cool water splashed over her chestnut coat. Cadence had worked the mare hard that day. They'd worked on dressage all morning and then worked on jumping for an hour. It was hard work retraining the feisty mare, but it was worth every second. Sure, the mare couldn't always get into a frame on dressage, but Envy was learning. They both were. Using a sponge, she tried to work the sweat marks off of her mare's back and face.
Lifting the hose, Cadence sloshed the cool water over her mare again. Envy grunted in pleasure, twisting to drink out of the hose. These were the characteristics that Cadence hoped would help make the mare into a great eventer. The mare loved water, and frequently had dragged Cadence toward streams and lakes for swims. Letting the mare drink for a moment, Cadence thought about how if she didn't have the chestnut mare here, she would have been so lost. She'd driven all the way from Pennsylvania, with just her mare and her belongings.
It had been scary, sure. But Cadence had been determined to make her own way in this world. Of course, that doesn't mean she wasn't doing it without her best friend. And that best friend was Envy of course. Lifting the hose, she sprayed the mare in the forehead. Snorting, Envy pressed her head eagerly into the spray. Laughing, Cadence doused the rest of the mare thoroughly. Quickly dragging a sweat scraper over the mare's coat, she clipped a lead shank onto the mare's halter and led her out into the sunlight.
The two walked in the grass, Envy occasionally leaning down and eating a bite or two. They approached the pasture and the mare, seeing her new friends, snorted eagerly, straining against the lead. No little girl. You aren't going out yet. Cadence laid a reassuring hand on her mare's still wet neck. She turned away from the gate, but walked along the fence. Envy walked along happily. Suddenly the mare's ears pricked at something.
Looking up, Cadence saw someone standing almost directly in front of her. He looked like he was busy, so she didn't want to bother him. She stopped short, while Envy continued to stare at the stranger before nickering to him. Patting her mare, Cadence spoke. Sorry for interrupting you. We'll walk another way.
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Post by James Michael Colburn on Mar 3, 2011 23:08:55 GMT -8
The phrase let sleeping dogs lie was very applicable here. Though Jamie wasn't currently sleeping, he was like a big angry bear just waiting for someone to come along and prod him with a sharp stick. Though his current mood was rather depressed, it was apt to change in an instant as soon as another person was thrown into the mix. He was one of those guys who hid everything behind a wall of jackass. He wanted people to dislike him just so he would never have to face the emotions that were constantly festering in the back of his mind. If anyone ever expected kindness from him, they could think again. There was hardly a kind bone left in his body, and after the recent loss of Morgan he had come to the conclusion that he might as well just go hire people for the sake of firing them just to see the disappointment in their faces. He was a jerk like that.
Needless to say, he wasn't the type to interact with people in such a way that would cause them to want to be around him. When people apologized he wasn't the sort to say "no you're fine" or what have you. He was the sort to make a big deal out of it just so that the other person would legitimately feel bad. It wasn't really a conscious choice he made... he had been like this for years ever since his dad died when Jamie was only three years old. I suppose you could say this was his way of dealing with pain. Just treat everybody else like shit so no one would question what was going on in his head after losing someone he cared for.
So when his thoughts were interrupted by someone apologizing for interrupting him, whatever emotion he had been feeling before vanished and was replaced by a sly, devious, and legitimately amused... in a bad way... expression. You're interrupting me by apologizing for interrupting me... he said in that flat yet somehow taunting tone, Smooth. He finished off rolling his eyes slightly, clearly amused by the fact that she seemed to think that he owned whatever land he could see and she was trespassing on his space... as if there wasn't far more than enough room to go around. Unless she and her horse were practically scraping against the fence, he should hardly be in their way... and even if he was in their way, they could damn well go around him. Social manners were not Jamie's forte. Oh he knew them alright, and he could execute them in such a way that any business person he was conducting business with just couldn't say no. But actually applying them when he was in a discussion with someone who meant absolutely nothing to him. Nope... he was going to be the jackass everyone knew he was and he didn't give a damn what anybody thought of him.
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Post by cadenceshenk on Mar 4, 2011 12:38:50 GMT -8
Cadence kept a firm grip on the lead as Envy pulled, trying to get closer to the man before them. It was so like the mare to try to befriend everyone they met. Envy would love you as soon as look at you. She wasn't the same once you were on her back. God no. The only person Envy had ever let willingly onto her back was Cadence. They'd found that out the hard way once when the family had put a ten year old on Envy's back. Not the smartest move. In fact, Cadence was now convinced that that was why her cousin was afraid of horses.
And then the man spoke. You're interrupting me by apologizing for interrupting me... Smooth. Cadence was momentarily startled and she could feel the heat rising to her cheeks. For a moment, asking him who shoved the stick that far up his ass crossed her mind but she thought better of it. She had always been one to think before she spoke, unless she got too overly emotional. Then she spoke whatever thought entered her mind first. Those times were rare insights into what she really thought about a person.
Biting her lip to keep herself from saying something stupid, Cadence took a firmer grip on the lead line as Envy continued to strain toward the stranger. Jesus. Didn't the horse get that this guy was defiantly an asshole? You just looked preoccupied and I thought us passing was interrupting you. Sorry. Cadence shrugged slightly. Leaving that as it was, she clucked to her mare and began to move past him, giving him a wide enough berth so that he wouldn't be crowded. Something was up with the guy, and normally Cadence was one to sit there and give advice, but in this case she saw no reason to stick around.
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Post by James Michael Colburn on Mar 6, 2011 22:17:29 GMT -8
She was probably wise to not give Jamie a piece of her mind. Not only was he naturally a jerk, but he would find even the tiniest little flaw in anything you said, turn it around, make it a big deal, and make you feel like a fool. His own family had often described him as someone whose mind was running a million times faster than anyone else, and if he so chose he could brilliant at whatever he chose to do. Unfortunately, Jamie had absolutely no interest in doing anything involving corporate this or that, and instead used all his energy and brilliance in bringing other people down. It was bad enough when he was in a good mood, but when he was in a bad mood like he was right now... oh dear lord help the person who decided to try to pick a war of words with him. Obliteration... that was what it would be. If it wasn't for his downright awful personality, Jamie really could be considered pretty damn close to perfection... or as close as any human could be, that is.
Jamie was in misery and there was absolutely nothing that could comfort him, or at least it seemed that way. He'd tried drinking to the point that he was practically literally drowning himself in alcohol. He'd tried meaningless sex as often as was possible. He'd tried just about everything he knew to try... but it was to no avail. The more he attempted to win this fight with his emotions the more frustrated he became. The more frustrated he became the more willing to take those frustrations out on others he became... and well, we all know how that went down. Truthfully, they were lucky that the worst Jamie would ever do was drink, get laid, and make people feel like shit. If he were a more violent person he might have already gone on some sort of killing rampage and been the center of some masacre. All things considered, when looking on the bright side, he could have been a lot worse.
He just rolled his eyes and went back to staring blankly out at the horses in the pasture. He wasn't going to acknowledge her apology for nothing. Not only was he not busy, but he also didn't give a shit who walked by. Plus, he wasn't one for small talk, and he saw no reason to respond to what she'd said as she continued on past him. On any other day he might have been more persistent in doing his best to make her loathe him, but not today. today he just wasn't feeling like his normal self. He'd found that bringing people down lately just wasn't as satisfying as it used to be. Oh the complications of the life of a hollywood millionaire... people who said he had it easy had absolutely no idea.
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