A girl like me

[Caroline Taylor Grever]

Caroline Taylor Grevers

I adjusted my makeup, dabbing my lips with a tissue. My hair was parted in the center as usual, though today instead of straight it was styled in curls. Each strand running together and falling behind my shoulders. Though I noticed small imperfections, and they were starting to drive me up the wall.

"Ugh!" I snarled looking at my reflection. I could hear Stella walk into my room, curious as to what the problem was. Though I ignored her pleading look for attention and continued adding mascara. Nothing was going right, my face was too shiny. My hair was too curly. My eyes looked too big. I covered my face in frustration and moaned, not wanting to make new friends.

Each time I pulled my hair to the side, or to the back, it was like a whole new person. To the side I looked like an average teenager getting ready to take a selfie and caption it "Party time!". Though when I brushed it all to the back so it hung loosely behind my shoulders, I actually looked my age. It was settled, my hair would remain loose in the back.

I put my brush down against my vanity, giving myself one final once over before standing up. "Alright Stella, wish me luck baby girl." I reached down and gave her a pat, kissing her round Basset Hound head and retreating out the door, my trench coat still undone.

There were already people here, and the mood was set for a good time. The evening had eased in, a dark hue being casted over the yard. Yard lights lit the socializing center, where people sat or stood making small talk and laughing about the past. Great, more things I cannot relate to.

It was a bad idea to come, I knew this. I pondered in my vehicle, nervous on whether it was worth it to just go home and sleep. Who cares about friends, I don't need any do I? Though my stomach flipped at the sound of sitting at home and watching yet another chick flick, hugging my dog and crying into tissues. No thank you.

The group seemed farther then I had anticipated, and my baby heel boots crushed the gravel beneath me with every step. Under my trench coat I had decided to wear black skinny jeans and a loose white knit top. Complimented by a long silver chain starting around my neck and reaching to the end of my belly button. It was warm out, but I was still too nervous to reveal my casual clothing.

The drinks table was the first thing I saw, and although I was totally into drinking, the butterflies in my stomach craved water. Clink. Ice cubes toppled down into my empty cup, and listening to the water run against my glass soothed me. It sounded just like when my father made me a spritzer at home, hearing the ice cubes dance off the cups walls, and the water trickle in so quietly and peacefully.

I leaned against the beverage table, not really wanting to walk up to anyone. I was shy, I had always been shy. I couldn't recognize a soul here, not even the owners. Fabulous. I analyzed my cellphone, no texts or missed calls. The iPhones round edges all of the sudden memorizing. My perfectly manicured nails traced the lining of my case, focusing on each curve.

Who was I kidding, I was a girl dressed up, hair curled, makeup done, at a barn spring party. I was the one who overdressed. I felt like hitting myself in the head, because who would want to talk to a girl like me.