THEY SAY ILL BE OKAY; JACQ&JEFF

[wayne jordan brooks]

He knocked on the solid wooden, red door of the cute town house. It was a quaint neighborhood. It was quiet and old town. He couldn't really imagine Jacq living here, but this was where he had dropped her off. He heard a lock come undone and watched the door open. An older mans head with gray, almost white hair, and wrinkles that told a story of a working man. He looked about seventy or so. Maybe Jacq lived with her grandparents? He wasn’t one to judge, but he could have swore she said she lived with her parents and they were in some nasty fight. His eyebrows furrowed into a look of confusion, clasping the cold stems off the red roses he had sitting in his right hand a little tighter.

”Good afternoon sir, I was just looking for Jacq. Is she around?” he asked, watching the mans own gray brows to furrow. He swallowed a nervous knot in his throat, looking at him. ”There ain’t to Jacq here son..” he replied, moving to close the door. Wayne stepped back a little, scratching the back of his neck. ”Oh.. Must be the wrong house. I’m sorry to bother you sir,” he replied turning on his boot heel and walking back to his truck. He sat in the black ford for a moment, tossing the roses into the passengers seat as he pressed his head into the steering wheel. He looked back up making sure that was the house. He brought his head up from the wheel, pushing his hat back down into his head before starting up the diesel.

He drove towards the barn. The places he knew Jacq would be, and he couldn’t help but get a little more mad with ever mile he went. Why had she lied to him like that? He was embarrassed and confused and pissed off. He didn’t know why he felt so hurt and betrayed. It wasn’t like they were dating. Hell, every time he tried to even to ask her to dinner she shot him down. Why did he think that bringing her roses would work this time. He punched the steering wheel, a loud sign escaping his mouth as he pressed his foot harder into the gas petal.

He pulled his truck to an abrupt stop, grabbing the warping flowers and getting out. His boots stomped along the concrete into the barn and straight towards her horses stall. He knew where it was. It was the first time he ever laid eyes on her and that dopey Thoroughbred thing that she was head over heels for. He didn’t understand that either. Why couldn’t she have a normal horse? That was not so tall and Thoroughbred-y. He came to the front of the stall, looking in and there she was.. Just where he figured. ’These are for you.. I stopped by your ‘house’ today to give them to you… but your ‘mom and dad’ whom by the way are about five years away from their death bed said they didn’t know who you are!” he said, his voice rising a bit as he shoved the wilted flowers towards her.

”You know, I really tried Jacq. I don’t know why you lied to me! Thank you for making me look and feel like a total idiot,” he said, his tanned face never moving from its upset, confused, and just plain pissed off look. He was actually pretty hurt. She could have just done the mature adult thing and just said go away. He actually thought he was getting somewhere with her. He just shook his head, letting go of the flowers and crossing his thick arms. ”I will stop trying, Jacq. You could have just told me to.”

[Jacquelyn Noelle Daniels]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: f9f9f9; border: #354056 solid 10px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] well i'm told that this is life and Jacquelyn had never really had anyone show genuine interest in her the way Wayne had been lately, and to be honest, it scared her a bit. She really never had been a good judge of character, and she had learned that the hard way too many times. After judging the character of her former boyfriend so badly that she found herself doing a year long sentence in prison... she closed herself off from ever letting herself get emotionally attached to any guy. She'd been stabbed in the back one too many times, and that had been the straw that broke the camel's back. She had let Wayne in just a tiny little bitty bit, and for her, that really was a lot. Normally when people made inquiries into her personal life or tried to get close to her she just pushed them away as far as she could. Of course, he had absolutely no way of knowing that, especially with all the lies she had buried herself under by this point. Truth be told, she really did like Wayne, a lot... she was just afraid to admit that to him, or even to herself for that matter. So when she heard his voice outside of Vince's stall, her immediate reaction was to turn with the slightest hint of a smile, but she hadn't even gotten halfway round when the sharp bitterness of his tone hit her. As soon as she had processed that he was angry, her first instinct was to recoil hastily to avoid being struck. It wasn't really that she thought that Wayne might actually hit her, but she'd been in enough abusive relationships that her body seemed to react without her telling it what to do. As she stepped back, her gaze fell on the slowly wilting roses that he shoved towards her before immediately shifting her focus to the ground, her posture almost shrinking. From what he said, she felt horribly guilty for having lied to him, but she also couldn't help that slight feeling of fear. This was why she had shut him out so often. She'd been hurt before, and underneath of that tough exterior was a young woman who was simply scared. She wrapped her fingers tentatively around the stems of the fading flowers as he released them from his grasp and crossed his arms angrily. Jacquelyn had found herself in a lot of uncomfortable situations, but she had to say that this was without a doubt the worst. She felt awful now, for lying to him, and she was afraid that if she told him the truth it would only make things worse... but really, what choice did she have? She could lie to him and say that she had been adopted by an older couple who had never been able to have kids... she could say that they only referred to her as Jacquelyn and refused to acknowledge her by the name Jacq... but she didn't think he would believe that... not now anyway. "I...m sorry." She said quietly still not ungluing her eyes from the ground. She felt absolutely awful for what she had done... but it wouldn't take someone with a degree in psychology now to see that there were any number of deeper underlying issues with her. From recoiling at his raised voice, to the lack of eye contact, to the bitter confidence being gone. "It's not that..." She stammered when he said he would stop trying, "I just... I thought things would change if you knew..." Jacquelyn stopped there, not specifying what she was afraid of him knowing. She still was. Being homeless wasn't exactly something to be proud of... neither was having a criminal record. She supposed she should have assumed that he was different from everyone else... but too many people had turned out to be exactly that, and she was almost afraid to find out if he was. Really, besides the big dumb horse that she loved so dearly, Wayne was all that she had, and if he left after finding out who she really was... she'd be alone again. As much as she loved Vince, a horse was really no comparison to the company of another person. She'd blown that now... he probably wanted nothing to do with her anymore. She might as well accept that reality and lower her expectations of people again. pain is just a simple compromise tagged Wayne words 752 muse To Be With You- David Archuleta notes Mean Jacq credits irish & paramore! if you would like a template, ask, please do not steal!

[/td][/tr][/table][/center]

[wayne jordan brooks]

Wayne whirled around as she said she was sorry, stalking off to go home or to the bar. His closed fists bolted to his side. He would never hit her, hell he would never hit any woman. His father would kill him, but he was really pissed off. He was actually more than pissed off, and the confusing emotions that whirled in his stomach threatened to take him over the edge. Of course the edge being a level off pissed off where he shut himself down from everyone. He had always been the sensitive one. The boy that would cry when he got so mad at something, not the boy that would kick the horse that bucked him off or punch his brother. Of course, him and Lane had gotten into scrapes as they grew up, but he never went out of his way to physically hurt someone. He would never forgive himself if he were to touch Jacq like that. He had much more respect then that, but still something just threatened to push him over the edge.

He wasn’t much a drinker, but right now he could go to the bar and drown away his rage in a beer glass. That seemed to be the biggest weakness in the Brooks family. Alcohol had almost torn his grandparents apart, and it had claimed the life of numerous family members in everything from liver failure to car crashes. It was a disease, but he had always been the good guy that kept it under control. He maybe had a beer after a big win, or he would have a beer at a camp after a rodeo was over with the other pickup men. He never wanted to be dependent on anything but himself. He never wanted to just go get plastered, but something about his whole situation had put him over the edge. He felt defeated, like no matter what he did it wouldn’t work with her.

He spun on his cowboy boot as he was walking away, his fist slamming into an empty stall down the aisle from her. He felt like that just broke up and they had not even been together! ”How would things change? I have been nothing but honest with you. I have been nothing but nice and willing. I am willing to take it slow, but all you do is sit there and lie to me, he said, shaking off the pain that surged through his knuckles when they collided with the metal stall door. ”What could be so damn bad that it would drive me away?” he said, his voice lowering as he saw heads poke out of stalls and people stop at the end of the aisle and turn to flee the scene.

He unclenched his worn hands, taking off his hand and running his fingers through his short dirty, dark blonde hair. He closed his eyes as he placed his hat back on his head, letting out a deep sigh and clearing his mind. Being angry was never the answer in his book, and he was pretty sure the big man upstairs would agree with him. He opened his eyes and placed his hat back on his head, his eyes finding his way back to Jacq. He focused on her for a moment, his head slowly shaking as his shoulders shrugged. ”What is so bad that you have to lie to me? he asked. He hadn’t realized how much the shielded, wounded girl had meant to him until this moment. They hadn’t slept together. They hadn’t even kissed before, but he really cared about her despite all that. You didn’t need any of that to care about someone. He wouldn’t stretch the love word that far, but he saw himself with Jacq in his mind for some reason. He didn’t walk closer to her. He just shoved his hands into the pocket of his jeans and stood a good distance away.

[Jacquelyn Noelle Daniels]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: f9f9f9; border: #354056 solid 10px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] well i'm told that this is life and Jacquelyn had really never seen Wayne angry, and as much as she wanted to believe that he wouldn't hurt her, she just couldn't trust anyone that much yet. She had seen him disappointed plenty of times... every time she turned down his offer to do things with her, but never angry until now. So many times she had been so tempted to just go with him. He'd never given her a reason to not trust him, but so many other people had given her reasons to not trust men in general, so she just never could do it. She wished she could. She wished she didn't have all these issues. She hadn't wanted to hurt him, she'd just wanted to keep her distance from him, but she'd apparently done a very poor job of that. As his fist slammed into a stall door a couple stalls down, she slunk back against the chest of her horse even more, letting the brush that was in her hand fall to the floor of the stall. If she could disappear into the back corner of the stall, she would. It was partly because she felt so awful for having lied to him, but it was mostly because his anger frightened her. Every male she'd ever been with had been the unfortunate sort who found a girl with low self esteem, convinced them that they were the only male who could ever love them, and that they should be grateful that they were keeping her around. Of course, those relationships always ended with physical abuse. She didn't know why she was so bad at picking them, but for whatever reason, that was really all she found her way into. She had thought Wayne was different, but seeing him that angry... and not only angry, but angry at her... she was suddenly afraid that she had begun to fall into yet another trap. "I'm sorry." she repeated, barely above a whisper, practically trembling. Vince's ears were flicking forward and back as he looked between the two people, confused as to what was going on. He'd never seen Wayne angry or Jacq this afraid, and he was confused by all the conflicting emotions flowing between the two people. Jacquelyn knew she needed to explain, but somehow the words just wouldn't come out. How was she supposed to tell him that she'd lied because she had spent a year in prison and was now slaving her life away working at a disgusting bar just so she could pay her horse's board and was homeless... all for this stupid dopey horse. She didn't know the first thing about horses... she'd never even thought once about horses until she saw Vince. Why he suddenly became so important to her in that moment was beyond her. "I told you I lived there because I didn't want you to know that I don't live anywhere. I don't have a home. I lied because I'm not and I can't be who you want me to be..." She said, still sort of mumbling, but speaking quickly as the words just sort of spilled out before she really had a chance to realize what she was even saying. Jacquelyn moved her focus back down to the flowers she held in her hand, shifting uncomfortably, before continuing, "Because if you knew who I really was, you wouldn't... want... me." She stopped there, hoping he wouldn't make her divulge the details. She still wasn't ready to tell him everything, about prison and her wonderful ex-boyfriend and all the other things that had lead her to this point in her life. It was too much too soon, especially now that he was so angry with her. Maybe now that he knew that much she would be able to tell him later on her own time. Of course, if he kept pressing now she would tell him now, but she would much rather not. Right now, all she really wanted was to disappear and get away. Her every instinct was telling her to get out of there before he decided that taking his frustration out on her would be more ideal than taking it out on the stall door, but for whatever reason, her feet stayed put and refused to carry her out and away. She felt a little trapped, and a little panicky, neither of which were desirable feelings, and she couldn't do anything about it. pain is just a simple compromise tagged Wayne words 752 muse To Be With You- David Archuleta notes Mean Jacq credits irish & paramore! if you would like a template, ask, please do not steal!

[/td][/tr][/table][/center]

[wayne jordan brooks]

Wayne watched her sink back into the stall after his actions. A quick feeling of regret sweeping over him and melting into his skin. He paused, wishing he had not gotten so mad over this all. He never lost his temper, but something about it all really hurt him. He wanted to know what it was that was such a secret. He wanted to know why she lied, and why she just didn't tell him the truth. Was she a murderer? Was she married? Did she have a kid? He just didn't understand and couldn't fathom what was so bad. He also didn't understand how he could make such a fool of himself and just show up at someones door. Like Jacq was really falling for him like he was for her.

Maybe he was just a hopeless romantic, hoping and dreaming that he always got the girl like the movies. That wasn't the case though. The only girl he ever loved and his first real girlfriend (of many years) cheated on him and then broke his heart in college. After being together since the freshman year of high school. He had always know that the good guys finish last, so this should have been at least somewhat expected to him. He fidgeted with his hat, letting the silence fill the barn and then hearing her meakly apoligize like had just punched her in the face. He gulped, know he had messed up loosing it like that. He nodded, though he wanted to say there was no reason to apologize. He just couldn't find the words though. His eyes shot to the ground, before looking back at her when she finally confessed.

She lived here. She didn't have a home. He wouldn't like her. He would hate her. He was dumfounded. How could he have not noticed that she was lying to get around the fact that she slept in the stall with her big goofy horse every night. That was why he saw her all the time around the barn. She was always here unless she was at work. He didn't realize it until now that two and two just fit together. "Why didn't you tell me? You know I have a house. You know I have rooms open! Why not just say you needed a place to live?!" he asked, still confused at what was so bad that she was talking about.

"You know I wouldn't expect anything out of you if you needed a place to stay. Why can't you just be honest with me, Jacq? Am I that terrible to be around?" he asked, feeling like a whiney little girl but genuinly upset about the outcome of today. He had it all planned out perfect. He was going to make the move, bring her flowers, take her out if she would let him.. Instead they were here, fighting in the middle of a race barn, and he was terrifying her everything he raised his voice. "Well what is it, what is it that will make me hate you?" he asked, wanting her to come clean since they were at this point now. He didn't want more suprises later if there was ever going to be a later.

He felt bad for putting pressure on her like this, but he wanted to know. He wanted to figure out what was behind the girl that had been making him run circles the past couple months.

[Jacquelyn Noelle Daniels]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: f9f9f9; border: #c8030d solid 10px; width: 450px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] One more mile it'll be ok tagged Mark and Wayne words idk muse She wants to be alone notes mean jacq is mean credits template by irish! The trouble with being in need was that actually asking for help was so much easier said than done. Jacquelyn had so many trust issues that it was nearly impossible for her to allow herself to rely on anyone else. All she knew from her experience was that no one ever did anything for someone out of the goodness of their own heart. They only did things in order to get something in return, and she was terribly afraid of what someone might want from her in exchange for the assistance that she was currently in need of. If she were to be honest with herself, even she knew that she really couldn't keep going this way. Spending most nights tucked away in an alley somewhere and some nights in the barn with her horse was no way to live, but she didn't see another way. Maybe taking in a broken horse had been a mistake, considering her financial situation... but it was too late for that now. She was madly in love with that horse and she wasn't going to give him up. Now, though, she felt awful for what she'd done to Wayne. She'd not meant to lead him on... she had intended to do exactly the opposite of that. She wanted to push him away because she was afraid to get close to him. She had thought that by turning down all of his offers she would have managed to pull that off, but now it seemed she had completely failed in that respect. She was slightly bewildered when he said that he wouldn't expect anything of her if she had asked if she could stay with him. It was so hard for her to believe that anyone could truly be that good. "I couldn't ask you for that." She said, still somewhat quietly, still slightly afraid. She didn't really think that Wayne would hurt her, but instinctively, her brain told her to be wary of him. It wasn't too hard for her to tell that he wasn't going to let her get away without giving him all of the details of her past life, but she was still afraid to tell him. She wasn't sure why she was so concerned about what he thought of her, and it almost pained her to think about what he would think if he knew. Nevertheless, after all of this, she felt like she owed him an explanation. That was how she'd spent most of her life... feeling like she owed someone something. From her foster family who told her that she should be indebted to them for giving her a home, to her ex-boyfriend who told her that she should be indebted to him for "loving" her, to the veterinarian who had agreed to try save Vince's life and accepting payments whenever she could manage to pay... and now Wayne. She knew she'd upset him, she knew she'd hurt him... and she needed to make up for it, even if it meant he'd not want anything to do with her and would think the worst of her for it. Really, she didn't realize that what she'd done had not been as awful as she thought it was... but when you lived your life believing that you really had no worth, it wasn't a far stretch of the imagination to think the worst of all the little things. She sighed softly before looking back up at him, not making eye contact, but at least not staring at the ground anymore. "Before you met me I spent most of my time behind bars for... a lot of things... mostly breaking and entering..." She said finally, pausing, hoping that he didn't want her to lay out exactly what all the charges had been. "I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to think less of me." Having said that, she diverted her gaze once again, this time turning slightly and focusing on Vince rather than the floor. She was almost afraid of what his reaction would be, because she was quite certain it wouldn't be good. How could someone like him ever like someone like her?

[/td][/tr][/table][/center]

[wayne jordan brooks]

Wayne’s family was the type of family that sat down to dinner every night, together and talked about their day. It didn’t matter what the topic was, you always talked about what made you sad, mad, happy, or excited. Also being raised in a small college/rodeo town like Stephenville, it was pretty hard to get away with stuff. Lane stole a neighbors tractor once to take their daughter out for a midnight ride. He got caught the next day because another neighbors brother saw them going down the road and reported it back to mom. Wayne was never the type of person to get into trouble. He learned from Lane and Dixie quickly what the repercussions of bad actions were. He was always the golden child who kept going to church after he could drive and concentrated on his horses and his family.

Wayne shook his head when Jacq explained that she couldn’t have asked him for a place to stay. He really didn’t understand how someone couldn’t ask for something when they were in need. That must have been how he was raised. If you were in a bind you asked. Whether you asked god, your mom, your dad, or your old neighbor.. Someone was going to be there to help you. ”Jacq, you were never asking me to stay. I was offering and sometimes begging you to come stay,” he replied, resting his head against the metal bars of the stall door. He stared across the hall at another large Thoroughbred that lurked in his stall, wrapped in polo’s and with a blanket. He thought those standing wraps were funny. His horses never stood in standing wraps, they were cow ponies. Hell, at most of the rodeo’s he went to, to work as a pickup man, his horses would stay in the bull and stock pens.

Wayne had really given his heart away one time. They were high school sweet hearts and they rodeo’d together. Then she went to college and he went professional, and their relationship ended when she meant someone else. Wayne had been wounded from that, and most of the girls around him just wanted a fling. Wayne was not like most men. He was not interested in one night stands. He wanted a relationship and a family, and he felt like he wasn’t getting any younger. So he really felt connected to Jacq for some reason. He just felt betrayed, like when he found out his ex cheated on him while in college.

Wayne waited for her to explain. He let her think and stammer over her words. He let her consider lying again, but he wanted to know if she was going to actually be honest. He coughed when she explained she was in jail. He didn’t know what to think. He knew people made mistakes and god taught you to forgive, but that was a huge thing to keep from someone. Of course, Jacq didn’t have to tell him anyway. Wayne was the one constantly pestering her. They weren’t even dating! He had to keep reminding himself that. ”You don’t owe me answers, Jacq. That is a huge thing to keep from someone.. What makes me think less of you is lying. That is the biggest thing that you have done. People make mistakes, and god teaches you to forgive people.. But you lied to me and led me on. I don’t even know who you are anymore!” he added, his voice raising slightly defeated. Really he was making a huge deal out of this, but this was not the way Wayne functioned.

[Jacquelyn Noelle Daniels]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: f9f9f9; border: #c8030d solid 10px; width: 450px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] One more mile it'll be ok tagged Mark and Wayne words idk muse She wants to be alone notes mean jacq is mean crhe fray by the justiceedits template by irish! Jacquelyn had never felt like a good person throughout her entire life. She had been abandoned by her parents, which made her unwanted. She'd been mistreated by her foster family, and told that she should be grateful that they would give someone like her a place to live. She'd been used and convinced that someone like her could never be "loved" by anyone else. She'd been cast into the fray by the justice system. No one had ever bothered with kindness towards her, no one had ever given her a reason to think that she could be anything except for the scum of the earth. Because of that, she had never thought that she could feel worse than she did every day, but now, seeing Wayne so hurt by the lies that she had fabricated in an attempt to protect herself, she felt much worse than she ever had. She hated the way this was going. It made her feel uncomfortable and scrutinized. She'd felt like she was under the microscope on more than one occasion with trials and whatnot. The judgement she felt from the judge, jury, and prosecutors... sometimes even her own attorney... felt like a huge weight that was just going to crush her into the ground. Being under the microscope at Wayne's hands was worse. His was the only opinion that had mattered, and she had successfully destroyed it in one fell swoop. He'd said it, those words had come straight from his own mouth. He thought less of her. It was official. There was nothing that she wanted to do more than just get away from this now. She wanted it to be over with. She felt bad enough already, what more could either of them do. There was nothing that she could do to fix this now. "Why do you care?" She asked, her voice cracking slightly, "Why does it matter?" Jacquelyn simply couldn't comprehend someone actually caring about her well-being. No one ever had, so she just expected no one ever to do so in the future. Jacquelyn just shook her head and slipped out of the stall, heaving the door closed behind her. She hadn't even noticed the thorns of the roses digging deeply into her hand as she gripped the stems tightly, "I have to go." she said, not really a lie. She didn't technically have to go for a few hours yet, since her shift at work didn't start for several hours, but she was sort of feeling a bit like he was attacking her, even if she did deserve it, and his anger flaring up enough to cause him to punch a wall had her a little bit afraid. She'd been hurt before, physically and emotionally, so even though she didn't really believe that Wayne would hurt her, seeing him that angry rattled her a bit. She needed to get out, to breathe... and maybe even forget about this whole day at the bottom of a bottle. It hurt too much to stay.

[/td][/tr][/table][/center]