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Post by emiliaalexander on Dec 12, 2012 22:24:45 GMT -8
It had been recommended to both Darius and Emilia through Darius' therapist that maybe exposure therapy would be a good idea for Darius to go through and see if it would help him when it came to loud noises. A small shooting range had been set up for a class in Addison, and having seen it, Emilia thought it would be a good idea. She had no doubt it would be difficult for him, but she planned on being with him and staying by his side every step.
Getting out of the car, Emilia exhaled slowly, wringing her hair back in a mussed bun. It had taken a lot of encouraging and trying to talk him into it, but Emilia had managed to get him to agree to it. She just hoped he wasn't going to be completely traumatized by the experience. Waiting for Darius to get out of the truck, Emilia turned, offering him a light, reassuring smile. They had decided to go to the recreation center, feeling as though it was a safer place to at least hear gunshots going off rather than where Darius seemed to associate them with in Iraq. Whatever way, Emilia was going to be there for him. "You ready?" She asked gently.
OOC: Guh.. Short
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Post by Darius Lassiter Everwood on Dec 12, 2012 23:17:16 GMT -8
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: f9f9f9; border: #838b74 solid 10px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] the dreams in which i'm dying Darius sat in the truck, his eyes distant as he stared out the window. He hadn't been the happiest when his therapist suggested exposure therapy, mainly because it would have to involve guns, loud noises for the sake of 'positive experience.' He wasn't the best of people for what was going on, but after about a week, Emilia had managed to talk him into it, and here they were. On their way to the rec center, Darius silent as he tried to get himself into the right head space. He tried not to think about where he was going, or what was going to happen there. Guns or any kind of weaponry was something he tried to avoid as best he could. It made him wonder why he was actually doing this. He could cope well enough during the day, and his therapy sessions were okay. He didn't quite see the reason to do this, but he was doing it for Emilia, to give her a reason to stop worrying about him. Darius knew that he was weak, mentally and in a way, physically in a way.
As they pulled into the parking lot in front of the rec centre, he frowned. He heard Emilia get out of the truck, and taking a deep breath, Darius followed, giving her a small smile as he took her hand. No. Not really, but I don't have a choice, he murmured to her, walking to the rec center. Opening the door, he allowed Emilia through first, and then followed, casting a cursory glance at what was about to become a personal hell. His shoulders were tense and his posture straight and stiff.
Darius really didn't want to do this, which probably made everything a lot harder than it should have been. He would have loved to just be in the barn with his horses. Any where really, as long as it didn't involve guns or weaponry. As they walked to the temporary shooting range, Darius took a deep breath, halting outside the door. Em, I don't think I can do this, he said somewhat fearfully, eyes wide. No, he couldn't do this. He really couldn't.
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Post by emiliaalexander on Dec 13, 2012 0:00:40 GMT -8
Hearing Darius' words in response to her own, Emilia' heart went out to him, gently squeezing his hand as they headed into the rec center. The moment they walked in, Emilia could see the tension in Darius' body, recognizing immediately that he was not comfortable with this. She took in her surroundings, walking and knowing that Darius was worried about this. Scared could even be used. She looked over her shoulder at everything around them; taking in the environment around them, trying to see it through Darius' eyes. The environment around them was social, it was relatively welcoming, but she could imagine that for Darius, all it signified what was to come: the hell he was about to walk in on.
When he stopped at the entrance of the room where they were setting up the targets and shooting range, Emilia turned and saw the look in his eyes, hearing his words. She could see genuine fear in his eyes and that killed her. Moving toward him, Emilia gently laid her hands on his chest tenderly. She knew he was scared, but she also knew where his therapist was coming from in the sense of this being a good exposure for him. In the long run, she wanted to help him try to overcome this, or at least be able to cope. It wasn't for her sake at all. She loved Darius with all her heart, and if she spent the rest of her life with him waking up during the night and comforting him when he had a nightmare, she was fine with that. She wanted him to be able to live life painlessly and if she could do anything to help him and be there for him, she would.
"Dar, look at me, sweetheart" She murmured, hands still at his chest, searching his face, "I know you're scared, believe me, I do. You're not alone, you're not going to be doing this alone. I'm right here and I'm not going to be leaving your side. You can do this, I know you can. You're a brave, incredible man, Darius, you can't let this beat you, not after everything else you've been through."
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Post by Darius Lassiter Everwood on Dec 13, 2012 9:23:50 GMT -8
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: f9f9f9; border: #838b74 solid 10px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;]the dreams in which i'm dying Darius looked at her as she spoke, trying to fight off the panic inside of him. He didn't know what he should say or do in response, but walking back to the car was not one of those moments. He had to do this, had to show Emilia that he was strong and not a coward. How could he though? How could he walk into a room filled with people shooting at a piece of paper and not remember what had happened so long ago? His mind had thich steel barriers put up to prevent these sorts of memories coming, the memories of every horrible deed that he had done, the faces of the people he had killed and of what he done wrong in general. Nothing was the same.
He had a lump in his throat, his mouth was dry and his eyes were clouding over. Darius took deep steadying breaths, leaning on the wall for support. He could already hear the faint, hollow pops of gunfire, and already he was regretting even just saying yes. Darius knew that his therapist would be ecstatic to hear that he actually made it to the rec centre, mainly because Darius never did things out of the ordinary. Ordinary and schedule kept him sane. It was only just sane, his mind always teetering on the edge of nothingness.
Darius moved away from Emilia, shoulders squared and he opened the door, every nerve ending on alert as he focussed on not freaking out. He took a pair of noise cancelling headphones, already positioning them expertly. Shooting was one of those things that he hated being good at. His marine training kicked in, and he was immediately alert, taking in everything around him, thought processes going wild.
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Post by emiliaalexander on Dec 13, 2012 10:20:04 GMT -8
Watching as Darius leaned against the wall, Emilia ran her hand gently up and down his back to try to soothe him, unable to imagine what was going through his mind at the moment but she could see borderline panic in his eyes. She could hear them starting up and knew that every part of Darius wanted to turn and walk in the opposite direction. All she could do was be there and support him; something that she was sure no one else really had done.
As Darius straightened and turned, Emilia also picked up a pair of the headphones, fitting them and moved with Darius through the room. All they had to do was wander slowly down, see everything, then enter outside the other side of the room. If Darius was able to do that that was saying something. It was a safe environment and hopefully the association with this rather than Iraq would help when it came to any loud noise that Emilia had seen on many occasions send Darius into an episode.
She walked near Darius, giving him his space but also keeping a hand gently on his back, letting him know she was there. She was right behind him and she wasn't going to leave him there to deal with it himself. She could feel the tension in his body, knowing that it was taking everything he had to keep going.
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Post by Darius Lassiter Everwood on Dec 13, 2012 21:33:44 GMT -8
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: f9f9f9; border: #838b74 solid 10px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;]the dreams in which i'm dying Everything that surrounded him was something he would rather have forgotten. The weapons, how to load a shotgun, pistol, rifle. How to keep it clean. Look after it like it's a child. Everything was something he didn't want to remember, but as he slowly let down those thick steel barriers that he had put up in his mind, Darius waited for the onslaught of memories to arrive. As he waited, he grew nervous, trying to anticipate what his mind was going to do. As a minute or two passed, he became anxious, his mind felt at peace, as if he had needed to do this. There were no memories that came in the onslaught, no screams of people dying or the sound of rapid gunfire. He didn't see the people that he had served with, nor those that had died. He didn't see the faces of his captors, and most of all, he didn't break down into a blubbering mess at Emilia's feet.
Darius felt as if something was extremely wrong with the situation. Gunfire, or sounds close to it, were usually the trigger to some flashback that he had, and yet, nothing came. He didn't dare turn back to Emilia just yet, not allowing himself to hope. This wasn't something that he was accustomed to. He was usually living on the edge, there was always the faint realisation that there might be some sort of trigger, but standing in the mist of gunfire and everything he hated, he had only peace in his mind.
Slowly, he started walking forward, leaning heavily on the cane for support as he did so. His eyes darted restlessly, his body never relaxing in the slightest. He hated being in the room, he hated having all his training come back to him, but most of all, he hated having Emilia see him so tense, so alert. As the minutes passed, he still couldn't relax. He walked back to the entrance of the room quickly, pulling off the headphones and leaving. As soon as he was free, he found a chair and sat down, taking greedy gulps of fresh air. He was glad to have made it out of there, and he slowly started relaxing.
Darius didn't slam the barriers back up, trying to get used to this new found peace of mind. It didn't feel right though. Like it was only going to last for a few more moments until he became the blubbering mess, incoherent with speech and forgetting his surroundings. He didn't blame Emilia for what he was, or for what he was going through. He was thankful for her support, that more than anything, but still, he felt as if he didn't deserve her. That she could do so much better than him.
are the best i've ever had tagged Morgause.Emilia words 462 muse Silence notes Random muse burst! credits irish & gary jules!
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Post by Darius Lassiter Everwood on Dec 13, 2012 21:36:15 GMT -8
[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: f9f9f9; border: #838b74 solid 10px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;]the dreams in which i'm dying Everything that surrounded him was something he would rather have forgotten. The weapons, how to load a shotgun, pistol, rifle. How to keep it clean. Look after it like it's a child. Everything was something he didn't want to remember, but as he slowly let down those thick steel barriers that he had put up in his mind, Darius waited for the onslaught of memories to arrive. As he waited, he grew nervous, trying to anticipate what his mind was going to do. As a minute or two passed, he became anxious, his mind felt at peace, as if he had needed to do this. There were no memories that came in the onslaught, no screams of people dying or the sound of rapid gunfire. He didn't see the people that he had served with, nor those that had died. He didn't see the faces of his captors, and most of all, he didn't break down into a blubbering mess at Emilia's feet.
Darius felt as if something was extremely wrong with the situation. Gunfire, or sounds close to it, were usually the trigger to some flashback that he had, and yet, nothing came. He didn't dare turn back to Emilia just yet, not allowing himself to hope. This wasn't something that he was accustomed to. He was usually living on the edge, there was always the faint realisation that there might be some sort of trigger, but standing in the mist of gunfire and everything he hated, he had only peace in his mind.
Slowly, he started walking forward, leaning heavily on the cane for support as he did so. His eyes darted restlessly, his body never relaxing in the slightest. He hated being in the room, he hated having all his training come back to him, but most of all, he hated having Emilia see him so tense, so alert. As the minutes passed, he still couldn't relax. He walked back to the entrance of the room quickly, pulling off the headphones and leaving. As soon as he was free, he found a chair and sat down, taking greedy gulps of fresh air. He was glad to have made it out of there, and he slowly started relaxing.
Darius didn't slam the barriers back up, trying to get used to this new found peace of mind. It didn't feel right though. Like it was only going to last for a few more moments until he became the blubbering mess, incoherent with speech and forgetting his surroundings. He didn't blame Emilia for what he was, or for what he was going through. He was thankful for her support, that more than anything, but still, he felt as if he didn't deserve her. That she could do so much better than him.
are the best i've ever had tagged Morgause.Emilia words 462 muse Silence notes Random muse burst! credits irish & gary jules!
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Post by emiliaalexander on Dec 13, 2012 22:27:29 GMT -8
Emilia kept her attention on Darius the entire time that they were in the room, as though expecting this to cause him to have an episode. When it didn't, when he appeared only tense and alert, Emilia's heart still went out to him, but she was a bit surprised by his response. This was unusual, of all things this seemed like the one that would have set him off and it didn't. It almost worried her a bit. She stayed at Darius' side and watched as he made his way across the room, watching his actions and looking for any sign that this was going to be too much for him.
Emilia saw Darius' step start to quicken and become heavier, watching as he appeared to want to get out of there as soon as possible. She didn't blame him at all. All she wanted to do was support him and she had a feeling he was going to need that. At some point, if what he was feeling was going to surface. She could see in his face when they were walking that he was just as surprised as she was that nothing had occurred. She didn't know precisely what was going through his mind, she could only go off of what she could see from the outside.
She walked out of the room with Darius, watching him sit down and watched the deep breaths he took, almost desperate breaths like he had been holding his breath the entire time they walked through. She knelt beside him, rubbing his back and lay a hand gently on his knee. "Shh.. I'm so proud of you, sweetheart, I can only imagine how hard that was," She murmured, rubbing gentle, slow circles over his back. She could feel his body relaxing a bit, but she murmured to him to keep taking deep breaths, that she was there.
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